somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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