If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize