This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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