glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
