I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize