nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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