What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
