I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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