time to smoke my breakfast
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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