Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
