i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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