he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
