if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize