Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my poor anus
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
