So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
