Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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