you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
