I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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