this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
