I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
