everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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