checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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