I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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