Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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