I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize