No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
