these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
