Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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