it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
