I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
