Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
