you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize