im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
