did you get engaged???
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
tell me about the eggs
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