Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
