my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
