also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
