i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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