i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
