high people should be assigned attendants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
