I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
