Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize