just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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