i just wanna soil my oats bro
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
