Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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