thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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