Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there's paper in my vomit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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