call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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