Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
