The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize