I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
