I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
