I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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