You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
