drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
