I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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