Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
