hotel room ftw
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
