someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
