His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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