but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize