I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
