Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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