just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
try to milk me bitch
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