Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you win again, gameday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ttyl tear gas
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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