I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize