Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
