so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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