like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
