Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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