we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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