Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
