i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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