Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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