dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
