i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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