woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
