i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
