I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
