your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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