i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I just put wine in my tea
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
