i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
