Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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