you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A+ Viking dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
