I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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