perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fill condoms, not promises.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
