i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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