there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
