sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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