I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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