Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
