Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
