I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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