Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
