So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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