It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
