he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
