I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
