youre lurking in front of me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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