How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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