I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
