Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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